Thursday, 24 April 2014

The 10 Commandments-Monologue

Them is fake.  Fake, fake, fake fuckers. Excuse me.  You see how the three of them just slipped into church like they walking in a funeral march?  Clutching them bibles and them notes? Girl, them so fake makes my blood boil. I don’t wish anything bad on anybody but God don’t like evil and them some evil motherfuckers.  Excuse my language child.  I get worked up every time I see any of the three of them.

You see a few years ago, that tall one passed by here asking if I want her to sit with me and read the bible.  I wasn’t doing anything so I said, "why sure honey. Come on in."  You should have seen how she was looking around in here, trying to find something bad to land her eyes on so she can tell me that I doing wrong in the eyes of the Lord.  But she didn’t find anything,  and so she got started telling me God don’t like the wicked, like them two fellas two blocks over that live together.  Chile,  you know that got me started.  I asked her then if God didn’t like all his children, and she said of course he does.  So then I had to ask her who created the wicked.  She is going to sit here and tell me that he might have created them; might now, but he didn’t tell them to go do no sin. And she said the bible says  God don’t like no sinners.  So I playing foolish now, you know my Daddy was a preacher,  I asked her if she could tell me what is a sin.  Well, my girl just was sitting there proud as punch, cause she was gonna give this old heathen some religion.  Well she start with Cain and Abel, had me wondering which soap opera she been watching, but I held my mouth.  Then she comes to the 10 commandments, and her voice droning on, and on,  like a old hedge clipper. I near nod off.  I hear her counting down the numbers and when she finished explaining the last one of not wanting what is your neighbours, I  sat up.  I turned to her and  I asked her how she know what they doing in that house.  She looked at me funny then, trying to figure out where I stood on the matter. She had come with a agenda you see,  so she sings out, everybody knows what they do.  That’s when she started rolling her eyes to the door.  Truthfully I thought she was going to start speaking in tongues. For real. She almost seemed to tremble and get in the power, but she was just trying to point with her eyes “to them” down the street.  Then I asked her what she would do with them.  Girl, I know she must fashion herself a school teacher or something. But I know she works down at the grocery store “in the back” God only  knows what she does back there. Anyway, she sat up straight and smiled.  Not a real smile you know, a church smile which can’t show teeth I guess.  Must be something indecent about spreading your lips.  Anyway she said she would bring him to the cross.  The way she had said “him” made me think she was talking about the light skinned Hispanic one. He is a real good looking boy now, with those green eyes he got.  Her eyes lit up. She couldn’t help herself and she quickly said, "yes him too."  She then went on to tell me how she would bring him to the doors of Calvary and teach him the ways of the church. 

Now mind you all this time she hadn’t mentioned the other guy; he is short and thick with a real tight ass like a woman.  He is not much of a looker, though you can’t help but look at him the way he goes flying down the street like he on roller skates, but I said nothing I was watching her talk about the Spanish boy.  She stopped talking about them, so finally I said,  “you seem stuck on them two fellas, so it’s best you take your sermon there.”  I had had enough of her and her pompous ways, so I got up to show her the door.  I could tell she was angry but she was a church lady now, and had  to maintain herself. Hahaha.  Well when she was outside I asked her if she remembered that last commandment.  She spun around like if she had won me over, and said, “yes. You should not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor.”  Then I said, no not the Jewish 10 commandments, the ones from Deuteronomy which say, “you should not covet your neigbour’s manservant. Nor his ass.” That is when I rolled my eyes in the direction of the two homosexuals.

I left her standing there and went back inside to watch my program, Days of Our Lives.

SArthur 24-04-2014